


I guess I'm stuck in this mad world

by dougiepoynterrr



Category: McFly
Genre: M/M, lougie, pourne, pudd, slash!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dougiepoynterrr/pseuds/dougiepoynterrr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dougie and Lara. Everyone said they'd last forever, but Harry's schoolboy crush on Dougie re-surfaces. James Bourne come into the picture. Dougie is beyond confused, and a little bit upset. Who fixes poor Dougie and wins his heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dougie’s POV

Strangely, I didn’t feel upset or dejected. I spent the last 3 years getting to know Lara and spending time with her, and I still don’t take back what I said about us being twin flames and her being the girl version of me. She is genuinely the coolest girl I’ve ever met. She never did anything wrong, and she really did make me a very happy man. Having said all that, I wasn’t very hard on myself when she broke up with me last week. If anything, she just became cooler in my mind. No, I’m not twisted. I say that because she could see what was going on in my head, something that no one else could. She said she wasn’t getting any younger, she wanted to look for someone to be in a long-term relationship with. She said she didn’t get the vibe that I was going to propose anytime soon, especially with the added pressure of Tom and Harry already married and Danny engaged. Ah, Harry. That’s where it all went wrong. 

"Doug, please don’t take this the wrong way. Harry was the one who introduced us, and I love you. I really really do. But you don’t love me, do you? Not the way I do anyway", Lara spoke in her soothing voice and her crisp accent. Her voice seemed to fade at the end of the sentence.

"What do you mean?", I asked, reaching out for her hand across the table at the restaurant.

"I think you do know what I mean", she said bluntly.

I got a little annoyed now. I didn’t want things to change. “Are you friend-zoning me?”, I asked, and we both broke into laughter.

"Doouug, you’re my favorite person on the entire planet and you always will be", she replied, dragging her words.

"But?". Admittedly, I felt the same way about her.

"But… Harry.", she said, her voice very clear. The cat was out of the bag, she knew. How could she know? I wouldn’t know where to begin explaining how I felt about my drummer Harry Judd. But it’s all irrelevant, he’s happily married.

It was the complete comfortable silence that followed her words that made me adore her so much. We’d become such good friends over the time that we were ‘dating’. The fact remains that I just enjoyed spending time with her. What were the two of us really? Surely not lovers.

"Izzy.", I said simply. Harry was indeed in love with Izzy Johnston, who was a talented violinist and nice enough. I couldn’t see why they wouldn’t be perfect for each other. Having whatever me and Lara had kept me sane through all the Harry and Izzy moments. If she was going to leave me…

"I know. But that doesn’t change how you feel does it?", she asked lovingly. It’s a lie to say that a girl and boy couldn’t be best friends, because sometimes it takes someone unexpected to understand you better than others. It was like she knew everything that was on my mind.

"Lara, when I said I loved you, I meant it. Because you are literally the first person who actually understands me", I told her, completely ignorant of the fact that our main courses were delayed. "And as much as I love for you it, there’s no way that can end well. Just the thought of it makes my head scream." I couldn’t be gay. I just couldn’t. Why? For the following reasons: Izzy.

"Stop throwing that word around. ‘Love’." Her words hit me hard. I realized what a terrible friend/boyfriend I was. Somewhere along the way she must’ve picked up that I wasn’t taking this seriously. But she was so nice about it. Anyone else would give me what I really deserved, to be deserted and heart broken.

"I’m sorry.."  
"You don’t have to be sorry Dougie. It’s not your fault. You can’t help who you fall in love with.", she said, her voice lingering in the air.  
"But he’ll never love me back", I said, almost to myself.  
"Just like how you’ll never love me back”, she said.

There was nothing I could say in my defence anymore. She could see right through me and apologies didn’t work.

"I don’t want to lose you", I said firmly, looking straight into her large brown eyes. She tucked a hair away from her face and into her headband, but was quick to break the eye contact. I never felt so terrible about being who I was.

"Honestly? Neither do I.", she said, tears threatening to form in her eyes. Did she really fall in love with me? If I was breaking her heart right now, I couldn’t ever forgive myself, but I had nothing and nobody else who could fix me.

"I’m a horrible person, Lara. But I don’t know what to do.", I said exactly what was on my mind, however insensitive I sounded.

"Look, I understand, Dougs. We need to stop pretending. You need to stop pretending.”, she said, and I felt worse than ever. “I’ve seen the way you look at him. I know you well enough know to tell you this. I know you won’t ever be fully happy ‘til Harry loves you as much as you love him. And don’t try to deny it to me.”

I couldn’t get any words out of my throat. 

"And I’m going to help you. But first, you need to help me.", she said encouragingly, though a little sad.

"Anything. Anything for you", I said involuntarily.

"You need to allow us to break up. But you need to let me be your friend, and you need to be mine. And never pretend to be in love with me ever again", she laid down the rules firmly, her voice trembling on the last phrase.

I wiped a sole tear from my left I that I didn’t know was forming. The waiter finally brought our main courses; paella. “Sorry for the delay”, he gestured, but neither of us acknowledged him or the food.  
"I would take it all back if I could, I never ever meant to hurt you.", I re-assured once the waiter was out of ear-shot. "And I really appreciate this. Heck, I can’t believe what you’re saying. But it’s so nice, he’s married to Izzy. I have no idea what’s going on in my head and I just wasted three years of your life. I don’t even deserve Harry, so I guess I’ll just..", I trailed off, unable to think of any reasonable ending for me.

Lara reached out to my hands and rubbed them with her thumb, smiling weakly at me. She looked absolutely beautiful when she did that. It made me want to lean in and kiss her right there. God, I was such a mess.

"I’m going to help you and you can’t stop me", she had the final word before we both finally started to eat the plates of food in front of us. I wish I knew what I wanted. At that time, it seemed like she knew better than me.


	2. Chapter 2

Lara's POV

The meal was eaten in almost complete silence, but it wasn’t awkward. I kept looking up at Dougie and it seemed like he was rethinking every word I said. And every time he began to try to say something, I gave him a look of disappointment and somehow that shut him up. 

He couldn’t see how heartbroken I was. Maybe I just got really good at hiding it. But going on pretending was only going to make me feel worse. I caught him staring at me with dilated eyes while I chewed the last few mouthfuls.

"So you’re going to let me help you, then?", I asked after I swallowed.  
"You make it sound so easy..", he whimpered.  
"But will you feel sorry for yourself for the rest of your life?"  
"Yeah, that doesn’t sound too unfamiliar."

He was being so difficult.

"Well, like I said, I’m not really giving you a choice. I promise everything will work out for you, without hurting anyone in the process. I promise.", I reiterated.

"You still haven’t told me how", he said curtly.

I was still working on that part.

"You’ll see", I said. He narrowed his eyebrows at me. "I haven’t figured out how yet.. but I will because I know Harry just as well as I know you, even before we met. And he deserves to know how you feel at the very least", I said in my defence.

What I wasn’t telling Dougie (yet) was that Harry and Izzy were at a difficult time. They both confessed to me individually that something was amiss. It may seem like I’m trying to break them up because of mine and Izzy’s difficult friendship, but I was doing this for Dougie and Harry. I still didn’t know what exactly I was going to do, but I was going to do something.

Dougie seemed to lose interest now. Or maybe it was the expensive bill that landed next to him that made him want to smash his forehead to the table.

"Come on, we’ll split the cost. Friends, right?", I said, trying to be helpful and handed him half the amount.

"This is the weirdest break up ever", he said with a little chuckle and paid the remaining amount.

I laughed softly and leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on his left cheek, and he didn’t move away.

"You’re going red!", I teased. He really did look very embarrassed.  
"That’s just your lipstick!", he said, grinning wide and making his eyes very small, and began to wipe his cheek clean. 

I grabbed his hand and we walked out of the restaurant together, a lot of things on both our minds.

He didn’t let go of my hands even as we walked back to my place. He seemed more relaxed when things didn’t change very quickly, so I let him be. This really was a weird break-up.

"This doesn’t have anything to do with you and Izzy.. does it?", he asked out of nowhere, turning to look at me.  
"No.. Well yes. But not in the way you’re thinking."  
"What does that mean?"  
"I mean it’s what’s best for her too. Harry’s in the same boat as you are with me. She’s only going to get hurt." Honestly, I didn’t care as much for Izzy as I was portraying, but somewhere deep down, I was hurt.

Dougie paused walking and held me back too. We were outside my place.  
"I wish we didn’t break up.", he said without looking at me.  
"Good night Dougie", I said, and swooped in another quick kiss on the cheek before I turned on my heel and walked straight to my door without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

Dougie’s POV

"DOUGIE!", Harry screamed into my ear when I picked up the phone after reaching home. I found myself pretending to be excited to hear his voice. Everything seemed different without Lara, even though she’s sure I never loved her.

"Hey", I said back half-heartedly.

"I have huuuge news and I wanted to be the first to tell you, Dougs", he said. I loved hearing his voice. His accent was posh and his words were so clear. I could just imagine his lips moving to the words he was saying through the phone. I had to stop.

"What is it?", I said with less enthusiasm than before. What could it possibly be? My mind starting thinking of the worst immediately; was Izzy pregnant or something?

"Matt and James are coming back to join us, and we’re going on tour as McBusted", he said all in one breathe.

I was genuinely excited about this. We absolutely brought the roof down when the six of played together at the Royal Albert Hall.

"Woaaa that’s brilliant! Was it Tom’s idea?" It definitely wasn’t Danny’s.

"Actually it was James’ idea and he wanted to know if everyone was cool with it. We’re meeting up to discuss it tomorrow and announce it soon. Fletch and Richard seem to approve.", he said again in his appealing voice.

I paused, I couldn’t say anything. I was still thinking about Lara and what she said, and about Harry. Hearing his voice again made me realize that there was no happy ending for me.

"Dougie? Are you still there?"

"What— errr yeah I am. Me and Lara broke up", I blurted out without thinking. Every break up so far, Harry would be the first one I would call. He’d come over and comfort me and make me forget about it all. But this time can’t be like that.

"WHAT? Stay right there, I’m coming over in a minute.", he ordered me.

"No you can’t, you’re married.", I said again without thinking. Idiot! "I mean you ought to spend the night with Izzy, not me. I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’m actually not upset. It was a really weird break up and we’re still friends. I don’t know.", I rambled, hoping he’d forget my initial slip of tongue. 

Harry wasn’t going to listen to my rubbish of course. Before I knew, he hung up and I was sure he was on his way. I felt nervous and confused. What was I going to say to him? What if he called Lara? For once I didn’t want to talk to Harry about it at all. I would be fine on my own. But I couldn’t keep him out; he had spare keys to my house.

Sure enough a few minutes later, Harry opened the door himself and was already inside my house. I had nowhere left to run.

Harry’s POV

It seemed like there was no one home. I half-expected to be jumped on by Dougie like he usually does when I visited, but there was no soul in sight. Dougie wasn’t very good at playing hard to get, I knew all his tricks. 

I quickly scrambled upstairs to his bedroom after I left my coat on the kitchen counter. I flung open the door and Dougie was there, lying under the sheets. I told you he wasn’t very clever with these things. 

"I thought you’d be hiding in the closet or something", I chuckled, advancing to the bed. He was dead serious, oops. Maybe now wasn’t the time.  
"Why are you here", he said, turning to face away from me, dragging the duvet with him.  
"Because I love you and you deserve to have someone around to make you feel better", I said simply. Dougie cringed.  
I crawled into the sheets next to him and tried to cuddle closer but he moved away.  
"Talk to me because I’m not going anywhere"  
"I said I’m fine. It was fine, we’re still friends", he said. I couldn’t tell from his voice if he was crying or not, but I couldn’t see his face. He was still facing the other way.  
"Then why are you cuddled up in bed by yourself?"  
"Because you’re here.", he said. He never used that tone with me. Was it something I said?  
"Right. Get off your arse and downstairs. I’m making you hot chocolate", I said. I could be very stubborn when I want to. I tugged at the duvet and went downstairs like I promised, but Dougie would take a while to come down. Hot chocolate is best served hot. I decided to make that phonecall that was overdue.

"Lara?"  
"Harry? Oh hey, how are you?"  
"Did you do it or did he?", I went straight to the point.  
"Um, it was sort of mutual. But mostly me..", she said, her voice becoming smaller.  
"He’s really upset", I informed her.  
"Are you with him right now?", she asked, her tone much happier suddenly.  
"Yes but he’s shutting me out. Why did you do it anyway??"  
"Look, it’s complicated. I’m sorry. But you should spend time with him.", she said and hung up.

"I’m not shutting you out", came a dreary voice from behind me. "I just.. feel a little lost."  
"I know Dougs but I’m spending the night here so you might as well start making eye contact with me again. I don’t know what happened between the two of you but I’m going to fix you like I always do", I said matter-of-factly and pulled his non-responsive body in for a hug. I loved to hug Dougie, there was something so comforting about it. I broke it off and looked into his feeble light blue eyes. It seemed like it was an ocean of gemstones mixed together, his eyes were gorgeous. 

"Alright so Xbox or movie?"


	4. Chapter 4

Dougie's POV

Nothing happened that night of course. I was very off colour, but Harry didn't pay much attention to it, thinking I was still hurting over the break-up. Geez, this was hard. I had to find some way to get over both Lara and Harry soon, even if it meant I couldn't be happy.

I wanted to bring Lara to the band lunches, to the parties and back home with me. She was and is still my best friend. But I couldn't do that to keep the image of the break-up realistic. Tom and Danny seemed a bit worried too, but they thought the McBusted thing would get my mind off it. And it did.

The four of us were sitting around a big table, waiting for the others to join us. Suddenly from the only door in the room, I could hear glasses wobbling. It was Izzy.

I had grown to like her over the past few years, but it seemed impossible to like her at the moment. I blamed Lara for giving me that false sense of hope. Still, I wasn't upset. I just looked a little indifferent.

She came to the table and placed the tray of glasses of water she brought in for us. She was really thoughtful and she even earned a reward.

"Thanks babe", Harry muttered and kissed her briefly on the lips. I picked up a glass of water and gulped the entire thing down, feeling a little sick and guilty. I wished Lara was here.

"Thanks Izz, but you can't stay I'm sorry", said Tom.  
"Oh, I know. I'll say hello to Matt and James and be off out."  
I couldn't handle how sickly sweet she was being, or at least it seemed like that to me. I picked up my phone and texted Lara, telling her I missed her and was feeling pathetic. I had no one else to vent to.  
'Tell Harry that', came the instant reply and I scoffed at the phone and put it aside. She wasn't really helping.

Just then, James came rolling in with our managers, and Matt followed behind him. After a lot of warm handshakes and hugs, (and after Izzy left the room), we got our discussion underway.

James' POV

To say I was buzzing would be an understatement. After touring with them earlier this year and after the little 'McBusted' stint at their 10th anniversary, I knew this wouldn't fail. Plus I would get to spend a lot of time with these guys, which was something I was really looking forward to.

After the usual gibber and chatter, we got down to talking the real stuff. How it would work, how to promote ourselves, tour dates, setlists, and more. Dougie seemed thrilled but didn't say much. I guess some things never change.

"How's Lara, Dougie?", I said, making casual small talk.  
"Oh, she's good. We broke up last night", he told me, not looking as sad as I expected.  
"Oh. You alright?" I wasn't the only single one anymore?  
"Err yeah", he said. I couldn't read his face at all. He wasn't about to cry about it but he certainly wasn't happy either. His eyes just gleamed. Which made me stop and stare, he had really nice eyes.  
"I'm sorry mate."  
"It's alright, it was for the best", he shrugged, as if trying to convince himself. Dougie was such a weird boy. 

Harry's POV

I tried to involve myself and I did throw in some good ideas, but I was constantly worrying about Dougie. He didn't sleep much last night. I felt so upset for him, but I didn't know what to do.  
Just as we all rose up from the table, James' hand caught Dougie's, making him stay back.

"Do you want to go get lunch, Dougie?", he asked cheerfully.  
"Okay, couldn't hurt", said Dougie, and instantly I felt something burn my insides.  
"Great idea, where are we going?", I said, invited myself to the meal.  
"Errrr, how about club sandwiches?", James said, the colour in his face draining. He better not try to make a move on my Dougie. James was a great guy but too old for Dougie and somehow just didn't seem right. 

Slowly an arm creeped into mine and a small head lay in the crook of my neck. "Oh you have plans? I thought we were going to get lunch at that French place, baby", Izzy said softly into my ears, though the others could hear.

I was torn. Couldn't the four of us just go together? Izzy wouldn't approve of that. But strangely I didn't feel like a lunch date with my wife. I decided to take the risk.

"Let's go together, all of us", I suggested, anticipating a scream from Izzy.  
There was a long awkward pause, and a heard a small stifled grunt from the missus.  
"Then again, I only reserved for two. Maybe another time?", I retreated. Sometimes I felt like my wife controlled me. If it were upto me, I'd stick with Dougie. Even though he wasn't showing it, I know he needed me the most. But ever since the wedding, things have changed. A lot.

Me and Izzy walked out hand in hand, just after I shot a worried look at Dougie. He smiled back at me, and then I left. He usually loved having me around. I couldn't understand for the life of me why he was so happy that I decided not to join lunch. It made the taste in my mouth go bitter and my grip on Izzy loosen. I was not happy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please pleease leave a comment to let me know that you're reading? It would mean the world and I would continue to update. x

Dougie’s POV

I was quite looking forward to spending time with someone else for a change. James was an epic person, from what I know. We hadn’t spent a lot of time alone but he was so much like Tom. He had a flare for songwriting, a ridiculous sense of wisdom and a love for science fiction. I was silently happy that Izzy dragged Harry away from me. It hadn’t even been a day yet but I didn’t know how much longer I could pretend that my feelings hadn’t changed.

"You look like you could use a change of spot", James said with a tone of concern when we were just about to pay for our club sandwiches. Before that, all we talked about was our favorite sci-fi movies and about tour. He was such a cool guy, he knew when not to push matters too deep. He was a really good laugh too, I was suddenly so calm and relaxed and for the time that I spent with James, even completely forgot about Lara and Harry. Why was this guy never loved up?

"So, mate you seeing anyone?", I asked casually, tugging at my jacket as we walked back.  
"I’ve been on two or three dates in the past year but nothing clicked. I guess I have to admit, I really wanted us to collaborate because I had such a blast coming with you and playing acoustics on that tour. I’ve been feeling really lost. Not much to look forward to, but I’m so glad we’re doing this right now", he confided in me.  
He kicked a pebble away from his path. It made me smile softly at how transparent he was being. It made me feel a little guilty that I was pretending to be okay. But I couldn’t tell James. I would have to face real consequences.  
After a few moments of awkward silence, he spoke, reducing the space between us while walking.

"So what really happened? You and Lara?”. I felt nervous about lying further.  
"We broke up", I said. There was no lie there.  
"Doug? You know you can trust me right? I’m not exactly a stranger..", he said, only making me feel worse. Incomplete truth is another form of lies.  
"It’s nothing important, but we really did break up and I’m over it."  
"In less than 24 hours?"  
"Yeah..", the colour in my tone was fading. Harry was probably snogging Izzy’s face off at that fancy French place right now.  
"I know I’m prying but I don’t feel like you’re going to tell any of your bandmates.", I didn’t really hear him, I was lost in my own thoughts.  
"God, I’m so horrible", I muttered under my breathe, feeling miserable about the way I felt about Harry. If I had to get what I wanted, I had to ruin everyone else. It was so messed up, and now Lara promised to help too. I didn’t need another person I loved getting hurt..

"What’s that?", he jumped, hearing me talking to myself.  
"Nothing, James. Please drop it, I just need some time", I said looking down.  
"Aw, it’s alright Dougs. You’ll feel better I promise. And you’ll find someone else you love even more than Lara", he said cheerfully and pulled me in for a hug from the side, keeping his hand around my waist even after we broke the hug. I smiled weakly and his smile was radiant.

Harry’s POV

That night we all went to Tom’s, just to start gelling as a big group again and with Giovanna around in case we had a man fight. But that didn’t seem likely, we got on really well.  
Dougie lay on the bed with his belly down and head supported on his elbows. He was scrolling through his phone and I quickly jumped in next to him in the same position. All the others were sitting close by, Tom with his ukulele. Creative inspiration was at the tip of their guitar-playing fingertips, and I didn’t want to ruin it. I wasn’t the one to go to during song writing.

"Hey, watcha doin’?", I asked, poking my head closer near Dougie’s phone. He quickly locked the screen and put it away. But I managed to look at the key detail before he did.  
"You.. texting Lara? Is everything okay?", I asked, genuinely concerned for my poor heart-broken Dougie.  
"I told you, we’re still friends.", he snapped at me. He was being so hostile to me lately. I guessed it was my fault Lara and Dougie even met in the first place. Maybe that’s why he hates me so much at the moment?  
He abruptly rose up and started to walk out of the room.  
"I’m going to get some coke or something", he said and was out in a flash. I was going to go after him, but then I noticed he left his phone behind in the rage.  
I picked it up and tried to unlock it; but of course it had a password. We never really shared passwords.  
I’m sure if I really knew my best mate, I could guess it somehow. It was just a 4 digit number code. I could find out what was really happening and make him feel better. He’d thank me later.

I first tried his birthday 3011; it wasn’t the password. Then I tried Lara’s; no luck either. Maybe it was their anniversary? Or the day his lizards died. Or..  
I really underestimated the difficulty of this and soon enough someone noticed I was trying to hack Dougie’s phone.  
"Isn’t that Dougie’s?", asked James, sipping some of his coke.  
"Yeah, don’t worry I can’t unlock it anyway", I said laughing.  
He gestured if he could try and I handed it to him, knowing that he couldn’t possibly guess if I couldn’t. But he unlocked it with one guess and handed it back to me, smiling. How the hell did he know?  
"How? Did you see him unlock it something?", I asked with a puzzled look on my face.  
"No. It’s just 1234", he shrugged. We both laughed, I forgot Dougie wasn’t as cryptic as the rest of us.

I almost held back when the unlocked phone was in my hand. I didn’t want to pry, but I wanted Dougie to come out of his little shell. What if I found out something that I’d rather not know? I’m sure it couldn’t be that serious.  
Instead I accessed his Twitter app and tweeted “Harry was here. Dougie smells like farts x” and laughed to myself a little. Immediately I got over 20 replies per second. Among them were ‘omg Pudd’, ‘Pudd is real!’, ‘You love him really Harry’ and I grinned, our fans loved our bromance. I could hear footsteps coming back up the stairs, it was either Dougie or Gi but I wasn’t taking chances. I quickly tried to open text messages and saw a new one from Lara. Against my own good will I opened it and it said “Just tell Harry. Just tell him.”. 

I locked the phone immediately and tossed it away, Dougie walked back in and I tried to look casual. Only James knew I was messing about. But what on earth did Lara want Dougie to tell me?


	6. Chapter 6

Dougie’s POV

It had been almost a week now since me and Lara ‘broke up’. We still text or talk invariably everyday and to say I miss her would be an understatement.  
'Can you come over tonight, please', I sent to her. She wouldn't pick up my calls anymore and I really needed to talk to her. I wasn't sure if she was busy with someone else and didn't want her ex to interfere, or if she was secretly working on a giant plan to break Harry and Izzy's marriage.

I didn’t get many replies from her though, and when I did, they were just bluntly sympathetic. She was much easier to talk to in person anyway. What bothered me most was that I felt like I was losing her as a friend because it was hard for us to spend any time anymore without people thinking we were dating. But she did make me accept the fact that I am gay. How many other people were willing to accept it?

Just as my back was sliding along the couch as I slouched in a very bad position, the doorbell rang. Was it Lara already? I sprinted to the front door with a spring in my step and flung the door open, speaking without even looking at the person there.

"Lara, thank god you’re here. I can’t go on like this, how do I tell the others that I’m gay-", I broke off immediately as I saw James standing there with a large packet of crisps and some coke. My eyes nearly fell out of my face. I had succeeded to be an idiot for the millionth time.

"Whaat?", James mouthed, furrowing his eyebrows and staring at me.  
"Nothing. Nothing.", I tried to cover up but didn’t do a very good job. "Why are you..?", he asked, not wanting to sound rude.  
"Remember you told me a few days ago that we should spend a night watching movies? Well, I thought today? But clearly you’re expecting Lara and.. wait did you say you were gay?", he said, still standing at the door.  
Shit.  
What was I going to say. What could I possibly say in my defence?  
"I’m gay too", he said, looking down at the snacks in his hands.  
"YOU ARE?", I almost screamed unintentionally. What was going on around anymore, I had no idea. I gestured for him to come in and we stood by a few very awkward minutes.

"So how about that movie now eh?", James said casually.  
"What?"  
"I have the entire set of Back To The Future with me"  
"Does anyone know?"  
"Yeah, it’s not an illegal copy. I’ve watched it with my brothers loads of times"  
Was he acting dumb?  
"I mean that you’re gay. Does anyone know?", I said, feeling more awkward.  
"Oh.. that. Only Matt knows and he’s okay with it", he said, shrugging.  
James frowned, looking like he was internalizing what he was going to do or say next.  
"Maybe we should do this another time James", I suggested, feeling really dejected and confused.  
"No, there’s no better time to do it. You look like you could use some company. Don’t worry, I’m not going to bite. Science-fiction is going to take your mind off all this", he said supportively and I managed a smile.

And so we played the DVDs he brought, one after another and nearly finished all the snacks within the first movie itself. Admittedly, I still had my head in the clouds. And James looked a little distracted too.

"Do you have Jurassic Park?", I asked nervously trying to break the silence. Back To The Future 3 was nearly at its end on the telly screen and the room was dark except for the movie. I hoped James couldn’t see, but I was biting my nails off. I was restless and agitated, not really in the mood for the movies but I didn’t want to upset James. He was such a nice guy and all he he’s ever done for me is be charming and cool.

"No..", he replied nonchalantly. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor but now he rose to look for more DVDs. Or at least that’s what I thought. Within seconds, he was sitting on the couch next to me. The credits began to play with the theme music.  
"You’re not having fun, are you Dougs?", he asked, his big light eyes gleaming in the only light in the room; the TV.  
"I’m sorry..", I said, looking away. I felt so mildly horrible that I could burst into a fit of tears. I was so upset about all the people in my life that I was giving the only one who didn’t bother me, a hard time for no fault of his.  
"It’s okay. What is it about, I’m here to listen", he said, almost commandingly. I had grown to trust James over the last few days, but telling him about Harry would be too big a risk. He muted the TV and looked at me apprehensively.  
"I can’t listen if you don’t talk..", he said, choking out a small chuckle. I smiled faintly too. He deserved the truth, but I wasn’t strong enough to tell him.  
"Maybe you can try something else with your lips", he said in a husky voice and before I could register what he said, he crashed his lips onto mine.  
Surprising both of us, I kissed back gently. I grinned a little but soon stopped and continued to press my lips against him slowly, loving the way he was kissing me. It was like he meant it; it felt real. The only real thing I’d felt in a long while. 

Our kiss was interrupted by a familiar voice saying a familiar word in a very familiar tone. My heart dropped and I pulled away quickly.  
"DOUGIE?"

Lara’s POV

I decided to be a good ‘friend’ and drop by to see how Dougie was doing. What I walked in on was the last thing I expected to walk in on. The other man immediately went red in the cheeks. He glanced quickly at Dougie, grabbed his coat and ran out, nearly pushing me out of my way. Every inch of my mind was screaming at me.

Dougie looked embarrassed too and then I finally realized who that was. James Bourne from Busted? Or McBusted now.  
The conversation rolled out quickly and sharply.  
"What the hell was that", I said.  
"I don’t know..", Dougie began, standing up.  
"Wow thanks for moving on so quickly"  
"No no no I-", he said, but I cut him short. "No, don’t bother. I’m not sure why I even bothered to come here but now I know why I should leave."  
My stomach dropped again but when I was about to turn on my heel, Dougie’s hand grabbed my arm and he looked straight at me. He was genuinely sorry. He was genuinely lost and confused and I knew I was not over him yet.  
That was the reason I had been avoiding him so much. I spent nearly every night crying about how much I missed spending time with him. My sister had to deal with the worst of me. She even told me to call Dougie and see if he felt the same way. But I couldn’t tell her what was really going on. My heart still did a leap when his arm touched mine. I still got the chills when Dougie and I made any sort of contact. I had just seen him snog another man but my entire body ached for any sort of affection from Dougie.  
"Please stay. I need you.", he said, beginning to cry slowly. His gorgeous blue eyes stung red and slow tears began to roll down his cheeks. "I’m— I’m a- a- a m-mess", he said, pausing to sob on each word. Right at that moment I realized I felt really sorry for Dougie. If I was in his shoes, I’d feel torn. I’d probably cry too, but I was in my own sort of hell. 

"He came onto me, n-not the other way around. And I- I just needed to f-feel s-something. I’m really s-sorry Lara", he said, standing not more than a foot away from me. 

I felt like if I stayed there another minute, I’d do something I’d regret. I was wise to stay away from Dougie all those days. Being next to him made me physically shrivel at how much I missed having him around. “I’m sorry too”, I said, whimpering, and walked straight out on the love of my life, slamming the door behind me. I stood outside for a few minutes, letting out a few tears before starting on my long walk back home.


	7. Chapter 7

Tom’s POV

It was another day of band-bonding and brainstorming ideas. A full McBusted day as far as I was concerned and I was loving it. Our tour was already on sale and the first couple of shows sold out within minutes. It’s safe to say I jizzed in my pants from excitement. I don’t think I could make it as far as the actual tour. Oozing with unhealthy excitement, I gave my wife Giovanna a quick kiss on the lips before leaving for the day to our temporary ‘band house’. I was going to suggest the idea of actually staying there for a few days, it would save a lot of time and help the lazy ones (cough, Danny and Dougie) to actually get something done. When I feel inspired, I often turn into a workaholic and then Danny doesn’t talk to me for days because I’ve snapped at him for slacking. While I can’t guarantee that that won’t happen again, I was still more excited than I should have been. James was a bleeding genius for thinking of all this, it kinda made me wish I had thought of it.

I stumbled into the man himself on the way. “Mornin’ James”, I said, possibly radiating excitement. I had my pink ukulele with me in it’s case, and I was itching to show the boys what I had been working on.  
Strangely, for being the man who started all this, James looked rather tense.  
"Mate, I need to tell yo-", he began, and stopped immediately when Harry joined us out of nowhere, and suddenly he looked completely normal again. I shrugged it off, thinking it couldn’t be that important.  
When we entered the studio and new home, we found Matt already there, tuning up his guitar. “Danny said he might be a bit late”, said Matt matter-of-factly, and we all shared a laugh.  
"Who else isn’t here? Gosh I’m losing track of you guys now", I said jokingly. Dougie of course.  
Harry was already ahead of me.  
"He isn’t picking up", Harry reported, phone still to his ear but in vain. I frowned, and James shifted uncomfortably, almost trying to get closer towards Matt.

We didn’t dwell on it, assuming they’d come by soon enough. Danny did, but it was nearly mid-day and no sign of Dougie. I started to miss him, and I could tell the others were starting to too.

"I know he can be late, but that’s not like Donners", said Danny, texting furiously.  
"I would call Lara but..", Harry said, and I frowned a little more. Clearly Dougie was bottling up and the rest of us were too happy to see that he needed to talk. We were too caught up in ourselves and our own people that we neglected our precious Dougie. I frowned even more.  
"Mm.. when was the last time anyone saw him?", I reasoned out, asking everywhere.  
"We all saw him yesterday before we split up obviously..", said Matt.  
"After that?", I asked, looking around at everyone again while trying myself to call Dougie. No answer.  
"I went by to his house last night. We watched a few movies", whispered James. Harry looked astounded, the rest of us were simply happy that Dougie wasn’t isolating himself.  
"And when did you leave?", asked Harry in a strange tone.  
James looked sideways down at the floor guiltily. What the hell was going on?  
"Errr.. Right after we kissed", he blurted out, and continued to look away.  
Harry wasn’t having a drink but if he was halfway through his coke, he could have spit it all out. That’s the kind of face he made.  
"WHAT? YOU WHAT?", yelled Harry in his posh accent. "SO WHERE IS HE NOW?", he said, advancing at James.  
"Oi, calm down", I said, sending more texts to Dougie. I can’t lie, I was gobsmacked. I didn’t know James was into guys like that? But what really shocked me was that Dougie was into guys like that. Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, but Harry suddenly sat down in the nearest chair and buried his face in his hands.  
"I’m gay", said James simply.  
"OH REALLY?", Harry imploded. We were all a bit cross at James for keeping the secret, but where on earth was Dougie? Perhaps we should all go and search for him. But if he found out that we had a search party after him, he’d be very embarrassed.  
"Lara was there too", James added.  
I could tell you honestly that Harry’s face turned a bright shade of purple which I read as anger combined with jealousy. Harry was always very protective of Dougie.  
Matt looked sideways at James and Danny looked flustered. Our group camaraderie was taking a horrible plunge.  
"Where are you going?", I asked as Harry began to storm out.  
"Wherever Dougie is", he replied and shut the door loudly behind him.

Harry’s POV  
"Where would I go.. where would I go if I was Dougie", I thought to myself, walking down the streets and wondering where my feet were actually taking me. I wanted to find him and ask him what was going on. Clearly something was bothering him. Something way more than the ‘kiss’. I shuddered at the thought. A part of me saw this coming. And that part of me welled in jealousy. I loved to kiss Dougie; on the cheek, in his hair. But he would never let me go beyond that because of course he was straight. He’d been with numerous girls, and I often helped him with these girls knowing that our only happiness cannot come from other. That’s why I decided to shrug it off and get married. I hadn’t felt those feelings for Dougie in a long while, but they were re-surfacing now. It’s funny what jealousy could do to you.

I had to rule out the obvious, so I checked Dougie’s house. His backyard, upstairs, in the kitchen, in the bathroom. It was clear there was no one home. I just wanted to find Dougie, before anyone else could.  
"Dougie?", I called out helplessly, just about to turn my back to his house. It was like my brain refused to work. It wasn’t responding to me. I knew I had the answer somewhere in my head, but it wasn’t coming to me.  
I always knew exactly where Dougie was. I always knew.  
Lara. James said she was there last night. Plus I remembered the text she sent to Dougie. But Dougie wouldn’t go to Lara’s place; that’s too obvious. I hoped he hadn’t run away and done anything stupid.

No, I was over-thinking it. Dougie would never over-think it. I went back to his house. I shuffled some dust along the garden and looked around one more time.  
"I’m here for you Dougie. Whatever it is you’re going through, I don’t care if you’re gay or straight or a dinosaur. I’m here for you", I whispered loudly, starting to feel dumb as if I was talking to myself.

"Go away, Harry", came a loud distant whisper. But it wasn’t Dougie. The voice was crisp and the accent drawled a little. And it was definitely feminine. It was Lara.


	8. Chapter 8

Dougie’s POV  
I dragged myself heavily into my house through the front door. The door was already open, and I was sure I heard two voices arguing in the back outside the house. I heard my name being used a few times but I shut out the conversation as I walked in. I slouched onto the couch and looked down at my wrist. I was aware I missed the band meeting but I didn’t do much at those things anyway. I decided to take the selfish route on what was a difficult morning for me. I walked down town and grabbed some early morning beer and lunch. I wanted to be away for a while and I knew I wouldn’t bump into anyone because they would all be at the meeting. I sighed heavily but I wasn’t alone for long. Lara and Harry burst into the scene again.

"But why on earth would he kiss James?", I heard Harry say to Lara as they came in.  
Lara didn’t respond to that. Instead she started calling out my name.  
"I’m in here", I replied without much energy. I didn’t want to be a depressed lost dog who didn’t want to be found. My hiding time was over anyway.  
"Dougie!", Harry yelped and ran towards me and fell onto me in a hug which I didn’t resist. "What the hell were you thinking?"  
"What did I do?", I said with an unintended tone of rudeness.  
I calmly explained that I just want the morning to myself. Harry wasn’t buying it and neither was Lara.  
"Thanks for breaking into my house guys", I said under my breathe.  
Suddenly I felt emotion take over me. Harry knows that me and James kissed. It didn’t mean anything at all of course. I could never like James even a tenth of how much I loved Harry. Harry who was invading my personal space at the moment by sitting so close to me. And then there was Lara who was just standing there in front of us with her arms crossed.

I couldn’t even look her in the eye after last night. What if Harry thought of me and James together? The sole reason I kissed him back was the curiosity of kissing another guy. But it was a mistake at the end of the day, and I had the two people I’d hurt the most with me, who were clearly trying to stop themselves from slapping me across the face with a wet fish.

"I’m sorry", I said, breaking the awkward silence. "I’m sorry", reiterated, looking at Lara this time. But she didn’t give me a glance.  
"Well okay, you’re safe. I better go", she said, and turned on her heel. Her hair did a little bounce across her shoulders as she walked out. I couldn’t deny that I missed her.

"Oiiii, wait", Harry yelled, and grabbed her by her coat and pulled her back with him towards me. "You. Sit over there", he ordered her. Lara sat next to me on the sofa obediently. I looked downwards. I had a bad feeling I knew where this was going. I was doing so well to avoid this talk.  
Harry grabbed another chair and sat opposite across us backwards on the chair. He rested his chin on the top frame of the chair and looked from me, to Lara, and back to me.  
"Start talking", he said bluntly.  
Lara shrugged and shifted uncomfortably.  
"Why on earth did you two break up", Harry elucidated, still looking at us seriously.  
Neither of us said anything for at least 5 minutes. Harry grew impatient.  
"I have all day. And believe me, none of us is leaving here til you tell me what happened", he stated again aggressively.

Lara looked at me and I looked at her with agony in my eyes. Surely she wouldn’t tell Harry that I was in love with him? That his marriage was a big fat joke to me.

"Alright, how about I ask you simple questions and we’ll work upto our answer, alright?", he said again. This was going to be torture but at least he used the right approach. Neither of us dared to even exhale.  
Lara nodded submissively. “Yeah, alright”, I whispered.

"Did Lara break up with you? or did you with her?"  
"I did", Lara answered, even though the question was clearly for me.  
"Why? You guys were getting on so great..", he said. It wasn’t really much of a question. "Is it because of James?", he asked both of us.  
Both me and Lara shouted our answers loudly at the same time.  
"NO!" "YES!"  
Why on earth did Lara say yes? I knew she didn’t really think that. What was she trying to do?  
"NO!", I yelled again at both of them. My fear was confirmed. Harry thought I was into James. James was a great guy, but I only saw one guy in that light. And he was right in front of me, confronting me about things I didn’t want to talk about.

"You guys are my best friends. And you’re lying to me?", he said in a defeated tone. I hated this. I hated every minute of it, but I didn’t have any great ideas about how to fix it. "Did he hurt you or something?”

I grew furious. I couldn’t believe Harry would think I’d do something like that.  
"No, no. Of course not. It’s Doug we’re talking about.", Lara said in response, whatever that meant.  
"I know, I’m sorry. I had to ask", said Harry and I almost hated him for just a few moments.  
"Look, he didn’t hurt me. He’s just not into me like that. He’s gay and he’s not in love with me, so I saw that and decided to break it off."  
Harry looked bemused but didn’t stop the questions. “So he’s in love with someone else?”  
"Why don’t you ask him?", said Lara.  
They both looked at me straight into my eyes. I felt my cheeks burn and a big rock in my throat. I loved both these people so much. I hurt one and I was lying to the other.

"I think you both should leave my house", I suggested firmly, looking neither of them in the eyes.  
"I hate what this thing has done to you Doug.", said Harry apologetically.  
"Because I’m gay?"  
"Not that. I don’t.. I don’t care if you’re gay Dougie. This is the first time you’ve ever lied to me about anything, and I can’t understand for the life of me why you would. You’re ruining us..", he said frankly and I felt the tears threatening to form in my eyes. I buried my head in my hands and lay my elbows on my thighs, waiting for both of them to leave. I would’ve done anything to run away from everyone right at that moment.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Izzy and Harry very very much. I love all of them, and this is just for the fiction. Because Pudd forever, right? (:

Harry’s POV

I walked out listlessly, turning back and looking at Dougie’s place. He came behind us, but only to shut the door loudly on our backs. I’d never seen Dougie act this way before and it killed me on the inside. I hadn’t honestly gotten over my embarrassing crush on my best friend, but I had done very well to hide it. I didn’t feel like would Izzy would care if I got home tonight or not. The two of us were growing apart, but so were me and Dougie.

I looked at Lara who looked uncomfortable to say the least. I was glad we were walking back home the same way. I wasn’t done with her.  
"What did you want Dougie to tell me?", I asked.  
"What?"  
"The text you sent him a few days ago. What was that about? Was it about James?"  
"God, Harry. Everything’s NOT about James. Or you. Get over yourself", she snapped.  
That hurt a little. This was not the Lara I knew.  
"Okay so errm", I stuttered. I felt brave enough to tell Lara. I couldn’t tell anyone else. "I’m in love with Dougie", I muttered, and shuffled my leg a little, scared of her reaction.  
"Really?", she asked with very heavy sarcasm. She couldn’t have known, I didn’t tell anyone. Maybe she thought I meant best friend love.  
"No. Not love. Like in love. I’m gay too. I’m in love with Dougie. I don’t want him with James.", I said again, realizing how shallow I sounded.  
I could see one of Lara’s eyes threatening to pour out with tears. What I said meant I didn’t want him with her either.  
"I’m sorry.. I- I don’t know what I gained by telling you that.", I confessed. I felt like a hormonal teenage girl.  
"Why couldn’t you say that ten minutes ago?", she demanded, wiping her eye dry quickly. "God, I wanted to help but all of you are just crazy. I’m done with all of you. Especially you, Harry. I’m done. Good-bye", she said, and turned around, sprinting away urgently and within seconds she was a kilometer away. I stood there thinking to myself, but I couldn’t make head or tails of what she said. What was she trying to ‘help’ with?  
I didn’t want to go back to my ‘wife’ after this. I really didn’t.

I quickly texted Tom saying that Dougie was okay, and that we should probably call it a day. I had a feeling the six of us wouldn’t get back at the studio tomorrow. Our band was falling apart and the blame would surely be pinned on Dougie. But the real person at fault was me; for being so obsessed with my best friend that I couldn’t bare to see him with anyone else but myself. I was being stupid of course, Dougie would never like me like that. I was married, and I often forgot that.

I tugged my hands into the pockets of my coat. I’d do anything for Dougie, absolutely anything. If it meant that I had to stay out of his and James’ way and go back to my life with Izzy, I would. I just wanted him to be happy. I could continue pretending like I didn’t have feelings for him, as long as he was happy.

I walked back home with a heavy heart. I had so much on my mind and I was genuinely bothered, but I resolved to try and make this marriage work, for everyone’s sake.

It wasn’t ten minutes later that I reached home, and I rang the doorbell and waited patiently. No answer. She was probably out with her friends. That’s what she said she did on full band days.  
I clicked the door open and went upstairs, wanting to fall straight into bed and pass out. I was mentally exhausted, but the universe had a different plan for me.  
Our bedroom door was slightly open and I heard someone inside.  
"Izzy?", I asked just before I swung the door open. My eyes nearly fell out and my stomach fell. I felt cheated and a very good amount of disgusted.  
There was Izzy, laying down on the bed in just her bra and panties. On top of her though, was a guy I’d never seen before, wearing even less.

"H-Harry? I thought you were at band practice", said Izzy, bringing the duvet to cover her half-naked self and the man did the same to cover his integrity.  
"Who is this?", the man asked Izzy sternly. Frankly I wasn’t surprised, I was just disappointed.  
Izzy fumbled with her words while I just stood there, digesting the fact that my wife had been cheating on me for who knows how long. She didn’t look apologetic to me, only to him. I had had enough for one day. I was on the brink of losing my mind, and this took me past the breaking point.  
"I’m her fucking husband. We fucking got married and thought we were in love but I’m certain that you fucking her every night I’m busy means so much more than our fucking wedding so congratulations, she’s all yours. I can’t sleep on that bed anymore. I’m taking my stuff and leaving", I said all in one breathe and in an angry rage. My sarcasm and anger rose even more. "Alright, bye then. Have a great life okay?", I said, gritting my teeth in anger. "Oh and Isabelle", I said, talking to her directly for the first time. My face burned as I looked at her for hopefully the last time. I thought we had it all, but it never really was true. Words failed me. I wanted to say something sarky and hurtful. Something she’d remember whenever she thought of me. I was too full of heavy feelings, I could barely look at her. "Thanks for fucking up my life", I said, slamming the door as fiercely as I could.

I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. Both Lara and Dougie had shut me out completely, and my bandmates were either married or hated me. I grabbed whatever I first saw all into a big bag and dragged it with myself out of the door. Tears began to roll down the cheeks involuntarily. I didn't know where on earth I would go now.


	10. Chapter 10

Lara’s POV

Having promised to help, I wasn’t doing a very good job of it. I had a plan. I was going to sit Harry and Izzy down and let them talk out their differences. I knew regardless of what they were like in front of everyone, they were having a tough time at home. I thought it would be easy. But the day I broke up with Dougie was the day I lost myself. I couldn’t go on watching the love of my life crash and burn. I needed him more than I could take, so I’ve been so busy trying to move on and shut him out, I nearly forgot the reason we broke up. Harry Judd.

I would give anything to go back to having the life me and Dougie used to have. Just the simple things we did together everyday made me a very happy girl. The corny conversations we had and the gently pleasing kisses he gave me. I had enough and more evidence that he loved me. But I threw it all away and now it was going to waste.  
"You will find another Dougie", my sister kept telling me. It’s easy for her to say, she has been married for over a year now and she’s very loved up. I could never have Dougie again, and the thought made me want to bawl my eyes at night. I doubted if I could ever love again.

I thought I saved myself the heartache by breaking up with him, but I shattered inside even more when I saw him with James. There was not going to be any end to the torment. I had to get away.

I decided to leave the next morning on holiday with my sister somewhere up north. I could clear my head, do something relaxing and maybe try to work something out for Harry, Dougie, me and the newest addition to our love square, James.

Dougie’s POV

I couldn’t sleep. Slowly all the things I lived for were slipping through my fingers; my best friends, bandmates, the band, and the man I wanted with me in my arms; Harry.

It was about 2 am when I heard the doorbell ring. Too sleepy to notice, I went downstairs in just my baggy shorts and stood behind the closed door. What if it was a burglar? I was too tired to think, but knew better than to greet a stranger in the middle of the night.  
"Dougie? It’s me", I heard in my favorite voice.  
What could they possibly want at 2 in the morning? Especially after what happened the previous day. I didn’t open.  
"Dougie please answer. I’m not here to provoke you further. I just..", he said, and I thought I heard sobbing. "I just need some place to sleep. Izzy’s been cheating on me."  
I impulsively tried to pull the door open hard but it was locked of course. I quickly jammed the key into the keyhole and then swung the door open, letting Harry come inside.  
"WHAT?", I asked, registering what he just said.  
"I don’t know how long that has been going on for. But I’m not really surprised, things haven’t been going on great..", he said, clearly avoiding eye contact.  
"I’m sorry about that. And about yesterday", I said softly, closing the door so he could come in properly. He had a large gym back which was clearly packed in a hurry because of it’s odd shape, but was also neatly zipped up. It looked exactly like something Harry would do. I smiled a little to myself.

"Can I please sleep here tonight?", he begged in a fragile voice, his hands about to drop his bags.  
"Nope. I’m really sorry, you can’t sleep here tonight. I’m going to have to ask you to move in with me for a while. Truly sorry", I said, with a fake tone of blended sarcasm and tease. Harry smiled the biggest smile I’d seen in a while and dropped all his things to the ground. A loud thud followed and then, I was pulled into a hug. I realized again that I was just in shorts, but Harry didn’t seem to mind. I didn’t mind either.  
He curved his hands into the crook of my bare back and pulled me closer, resting his head on my shoulder.  
"Thank you, Dougs", he smiled. I smiled too, even though I knew letting Harry stay with me would not be the best thing to do at the moment.

"I thought you wouldn’t come back after yesterday and after.. what I-", I said, struggling to find words that didn’t make me sound like a wreck. "You know.. gay", I managed to say.

Harry pulled back from hugging me and looked at my face. I couldn’t read his expression no matter how I tried.

"Dougie, you stupid carrot. I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, bi or a dinosaur." I burst out laughing and so did he. I clutched my stomach from the laughter and wiped my eyes. He always knew the right thing to say.  
We were at our goofy best when we were alone with each other. It made me miss the days before Harry’s wedding so much.

After what seemed like ten minutes, the chuckles died down. “That honestly means a lot to me, Judd. But don’t worry, I’m a herbivorous dinosaur”, I pointed out, causing a few more cackles. It was nice to have a few moments where we didn’t think of the other people in our lives; Lara, Izzy, James. I was proud of myself for making Harry laugh after what I knew was a tough day for him.

"Come on, let’s get some sleep. We’ll talk about Izzy in the morning.", I offered, gesturing for him to come upstairs with his belongings.

"Actually, I need to ask you to do something. Actually to not do something. Probably a bit weird and may be too soon, I don’t know..", he rambled on his own.  
"Anything", I said, staring at his light blue eyes as he fluttered them at me.  
"Never mention her name again. I’m done with her, alright? I was done with her a long time ago. I’m not asking you to hate her just because I do.. but just don’t mention her in this house. Or anywhere. If you run into her, then.. tell her you don’t know where I am. I just don’t want anything to do with her ever again", he rambled again. I felt so bad for him. I couldn’t lie, he was so adorable when he talked like that.

"Harry. Ssssh. I can do that.", I promised, trying to lower his anxiety. "Just forget about it okay, just calm down. It’s okay", I hugged him again, and this time didn’t let him go. He grew perfectly still and it made me feel very calm too. "Now come upstairs and rest", I said, still not legging go of the hug.

Harry pulled away from me the second he heard that. “Ohh no no I’ll sleep down here, on the couch”, he said, going pale in the face.

"My bed’s big enough. And I get lonely. I don’t mind", I said, fitting my hand slowly on his neck. I didn’t want to seem too gay all of the sudden, but my mind couldn’t hold back. And neither did he.  
"Okay, thank you", he said, the smile re-appearing, and my insides melting a little bit. It was going to be a long night.


	11. Chapter 11

Harry’s POV

I grunted under my breathe as the sun stung my eyes through the curtains. Morning came soon enough, and it took me more than a few minutes to realize where I was and remember everything that happened. I turned my head to the side and found Dougie sleeping deeply on the other end of the bed; but he was facing me. I took my phone and silently took a picture of him. One more for the collection of ‘Sleeping Dougie’ pictures. There’s no denying that there was something different this time. I wished I could wake up everyday lying next to Dougie, being more than just his best friend. I didn’t dwell on it too early in the morning. I was just happy to be there and that he was there for me.

Dougie’s phone vibrated against the bedside table. Out of curiosity, I picked it up. I opened the new text message from James and it read:

We need to talk. Are you home? Can I come over? Please don’t shut me out, I didn’t mean to scare you. -James x

I exhaled deeply, wishing I hadn’t almost forgot about him. I could see why they clicked. James Bourne was a fantastic person, a great songwriter, amazing singer, has mad guitar skills and shares most of Dougie’s interests. I was just that guy who was his best friend. We didn’t have much in common other than the band. I didn’t really stand a chance.

I shoved the phone aside and looked at Dougie, who was still fast asleep. I gently moved in closer, brushing a little hair that was falling on his eyes. I was so close, I could hear him breathing.  
"I love you", I whispered, but he clearly couldn’t hear me. It was probably for the best anyway. Things could have been so different if I wasn’t so stubborn about my sexuality and my feelings. I was proud of Dougie for coming out. So proud, that I wanted to fuck him against a wall. But he can never know that.

I shuffled on the spot and turned, picking up my own phone now. A gush of cool air hit my bare legs, which probably hit Dougie too.

"Mmm? What did you say?", he questioned, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand in the most adorable way. Did he really hear what I said? No, he was surely asleep.  
"Who were you talking to?", he pressed, his voice now cracking back to normal from waking up. He slowly sat up and rested his weight on his elbows.  
"Nobody. You must have dreamt it", I said simply, giving myself the benefit of the doubt. I tried to keep a perfectly straight face, and Dougie still looked too tired to comprehend.

"Good morning by the way. Shall I go make us some breakfast?", I asked, to which I got another weary nod. "Oh, and James sent you a text. Sorry, I opened it", I ran quickly out of there, unable to handle watching Dougie wake up. He didn’t even have to make an effort to make me go weak in the knees, and staying with him reminded me of it again and again.

Dougie’s POV

"I love you too", I breathed after Harry left the room. I wasn’t sure myself if I had imagined it, but I wanted to replay it in my head over and over again like a teenage girl. I was so pathetic. I pulled my knees closer to my chin and rested my head on it. I imagined the dream that I had just snapped out of; the dream I had over and over again for months. It was too embarrassing to describe, but strangely satisfying. It was in a world different from our own. A perfect world where Izzy didn’t exist, where we were not tied by people thinking differently of our sexual preferences, a world where we were not bound to the band and our mates in the band. It was just me and Harry, inches away from each other at the most. Harry would softly caress my face with his hand and stare longingly into my eyes. The two of us were on a bench at some park, but there was no one else for miles. The shape of his torso was perfectly complimented by his t-shirt and his deodorant filling my breathe. Just when it seemed like Harry would dare to come any closer, I would snap out the dream instantly, and wake up lying next to Lara. I often wondered if I muttered something in my sleep or if she could see what I dreamt. The former sounded more reasonable,

And then it struck me. That was how she knew. I probably said things in my sleep all the time. I could never really remember them but Lara must remember them all. I hurt her so much and all she wanted was for me to have what I want. I was a massive jerk.

Wondering with cringeful horror at what Harry heard me sleep-talk last night, I picked up my phone and read the message I missed from James. Was it possible to just erase people from your life without hurting them? That’s all I really wanted. If Harry did say he loved me, then it was probably for being a good friend and for having me to fall on in a difficult patch. I had to uphold that and be his rock, and having James come around may not do it. They never got on great, though I could never see why. Maybe they were too different. Maybe me and Harry were too different. Maybe I had to be there for Harry, but I didn’t have to stop my life for him.

"Come by later" I sent to James, pursing my lips and guessing what I’d say to him.

What worried me more was definitely what he was going to say to me. I’m sure Tom and Danny and maybe Matt had a thing or two they’d like to tell me too. Maybe Harry’s marriage disaster would cover up my recent stubbornness. I fell back hard on the bed again, wishing the dream would come back in front of my eyelids.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this fic, firstly, thank you so much! Secondly, if you're wondering why this fic is M rated and has no smut yet, I promise you it will come soon. :) I hope there will be some stuff you like coming up soon. I decided to make the chapters longer. Hope you like it. Please leave a comment? Thank you.

James’ POV

I’d be lying if I said I felt alright. Everyone in the band despised me for keeping the secret, even more so because it seemed like what I did caused Dougie to remain unseen for a whole day. I didn’t mean to scare him or come on too strong. But I didn’t know why Lara looked so surprised and dejected when she saw me and Dougie. Surely it can’t have been because she was jealous. She was not allowed to be after ending the relationship herself. Maybe she was surprised that he was gay? I doubted that too, it seemed like she already knew when Dougie opened the door to me thinking it was Lara. I didn’t understand what was going on between the two of them. Exes don’t come back within days unless they’re hurting. I decided I owed an apology to both of them.

I found Lara’s address and knocked the door twice and stood waiting for an answer. No reply. I knocked again and rang the doorbell. Still nothing. I ran my fingers through my hair and looked around the house if there were any signs of her being home. Just when I was, an aging lady with a hunched back and silvery white hair caught my gaze. She seemed like a nice enough neighbor, so I assumed it was safe to ask.

"Hello dear. Looking for something?", she asked from a little distance, pursing her wrinkling lips into a tight smile. It almost creeped me out a little, but I pursued my question.  
"Yes, I am. Do you know Lara Carew-Jones? She lives with her sister here. Short, dark hair, usually wears a head-band. Big dark brown eyes? Looks a little like a thinner Esmeralda?", I threw in her features that I remembered one-by-one, to which I got a more confused face each time. I dropped my shoulders. This woman probably couldn’t remember what she had for breakfast.  
"AAAH, yes of course I know that one. She’s been crying all night every night dearie. Wouldn’t let me sleep. She’s on holiday now. Thank goodness too, I might actually get some shut-eye tonight. She’s a right pain in the neck. Always talking about her boyfriend. Say, that’s not you, is it?", she asked, her face puckering even more.  
"Oh no no that’s not me. But thanks", I said, jumping a little. She cried every night about Dougie? That didn’t seem like someone who wanted to break up with him. If she was his cover-up for being gay, it still didn’t make much sense. My mind tried to see how the pieces fit, but it really didn’t.

I quickly scampered away from the lady. I wouldn’t be going back anytime soon. I didn’t understand why she would go on holiday either. I couldn’t shut the tiny lingering thought in my mind that said that everything was my fault. I felt pale but I tried to put on my best face for my next stop; Dougie’s.

As I walked along, I got an alarming phonecall from Fletch. It was quick and straightforward, just like he always had been. He said he wanted to meet me and Dougie, so I asked him to come to Dougie’s so we could talk there. I knew I was in for a yelling, and so was Dougie. I’d take as much of the blame as I could, because clearly Dougie and Lara were dealing with their own stuff.

Dougie’s POV

Later that evening, my mind stirred. Harry was suddenly hostile towards me. I assumed it was because of Izzy and I really wanted him to talk about how he felt. I couldn’t, having promised not to mention her name anymore. I didn’t know what to say to Harry anymore other than what he wanted for lunch and tea. He seemed disinterested in any movie or Xbox game. I was torn. I didn’t want to say something to offend him. Things definitely weren’t the same anymore, and I desperately wished we’d break the ice. Was this a good time to tell my best friend that I was in love with him? Probably not.

We had never been under the same roof and felt so detached from each other. It sunk my spirits even more, but I didn’t know what the right thing to do was. Lara always knew how to fix things like these. I texted her a bunch of times and called a few times too, but she was ignoring me again. I wished for the millionth time that she magically appeared back in my arms and told me what to do.

I sat on the sofa in the living room with my face in both my hands. I missed Lara so much that I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. Harry, I hoped, was somewhere around the house. He still hated me from not telling him what was going on. The truth, I realized now, was that I didn’t know myself. If I was really gay and really in love with Harry, why couldn’t I march up to and just tell him? Why did I wish that James would come in and talk to me since nobody else was. I felt guilty, for doing whatever I was doing to Harry.

I suddenly heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I tried to remember if I said something wrong in the past day, but I really couldn’t think of anything that could have upset him. Other than the fact that I didn’t tell him the whole truth. Harry trotted down, wearing a tight t-shirt that fitted his perfectly toned torso so well. His jeans drooped a little and I could smell his aftershave from many feet away. He didn’t stop to look at me; instead he just walked on past me straight to the kitchen.

"Harry..", I said weakly, trying to stop him so we could talk.  
He turned his head and looked straight at me with no expression. Though he looked fantastic, his face looked a mess. His eyes were puffy and his nose a little pink. He had been crying. He dropped his gaze instantly when he saw I noticed. He walked on into the kitchen without saying anything and grabbed a large bottle of stout from the fridge. He sat down and drunk some straight from the bottle. Harry was never one to drink for comfort. He looked like somebody else. This wasn’t the Harry I was in love with.

"Harry, please talk to me. It’s killing me", I pleaded, walking up to him slowly and sitting close to him but at a safe distance from the drink. I wondered if I dared mention his wife’s name. Maybe the promise didn’t apply when he was crying his eyes out about her.

"I’m sorry, I need to move out. I’m going to go live with my brother a few miles from here. Sorry to bother you, Dougie", he informed me. I was really taken aback. I didn’t expect him to say that. His face looked a little better now but I felt a little worse.

"Bother? You’ve only been here a day. Was it something I said?", I asked, unable to meet his eyes again.  
"No, I really can’t stay here. My brother’s going to help me with the divorce papers and things..", he said, his voice sounding normal and a little bit hopeful again. I couldn’t find the courage to say okay. I definitely didn’t want a hostile Harry, but I’d take that over nothing any day. Before I could get another word in, the doorbell rang.

I released a heavy sigh that I didn’t know I was holding and went straight to the front door.

I opened it listlessly, my bare hand shivering when it touched the cold metal knob. James was standing there, with our manager Fletch behind him. My mind raced. We were surely in trouble. I wished he gave me a warning, though I didn’t know what I could have done to look or feel better if I did get a warning.  
"James. Fletch", I greeted, as they walked into the house as I held the door open for them. Fletch looked like he meant business. It usually took a lot to make him look daunting, but with his hands tucked in the pockets of his blazer and his mouth tightly shut, he really looked the part.

I quickly shot James a look when Fletch wasn’t looking. When I asked him to come by, I didn’t exactly mean to bring our manager too. James simply shrugged.

"Harry’s house is empty. Know anything about that?", Fletch asked me sternly. Just as I was about to raise my finger to tell him, Harry burst in.

"Yeah, sorry about that. My marriage has taken a hit. I’m going to live with my brother for now Fletch, if that’s okay", Harry said apologetically. He didn’t look like he was drinking. In fact, he looked perfectly normal, though a little upset.

Fletch waved his hand dismissively. He probably had bigger concerns on his hand. “You can join us Harry. I wanted to talk to these two”, he said, turning his eyes from me to James.

Fletch gestured us towards my sofa set in the living room. I sat down awkwardly in the middle of James and Harry, and looked uncomfortably at my knees. It sort of summed up how I felt. My mind sat somewhere in the middle of James and Harry, with my manager giving me a death glare.

"Dougie, you can’t go running off when you want", he said pointedly.  
"I know. And I didn’t! I just went down to the pub for the morning. I’m sorry, I should’ve told someone.", I said defensively. I had a very very sick spot in my stomach that was only getting sicker by the minute.

"Listen, Dougie. I don’t know what’s going on in your love life", he raised his voice, glancing sideways at James. "But the band comes first. And you and James cannot date. It’s unacceptable for band members to be involved like that”, he said commandingly.  
"Why not?", Harry asked, and immediately retreated.  
"Because it’s not appropriate and causes problems in the band.", said Fletch, becoming quiet at the end of his sentence.  
Harry shifted uncomfortably and looked straight at our manager. Me and James watching his sideways as he reasoned. “Look, Fletch. I’m sorry but I’m getting a divorce and it can’t wait. Dougie’s just been broken up with. Maybe it would be best if we all had a little break. Some time to cool off and we can delay the tour a little? We’re all in a bad place right now”, said Harry, making a decent case for all six of us. I felt his leg move closer to mine and I felt my stomach jump.

Fletch’s face grew stolid and his face muscles relaxed. Perhaps Harry made a lot of sense. Fletch was never our ringmaster. He was our best friend and he only wanted what was best for us. He always put our needs ahead of his, but he often turned into an assertive authority figure when we did something wrong.

"But the fans have given us the most amazing response for McBusted", he pleaded, using that tone for the first time.  
"And we’ll give them an equally amazing tour. Maybe not just yet.", James spoke. Harry and I nodded. It felt good to know we all wanted this and Fletch could see when we were being serious and when we were acting like children. He knew us all too well.

After staring outside the window for a good few minutes, scratching hesitantly at the stubble on his chin and pausing to read our faces, Fletch finally exhaled in a defeated manner.

"Alright. Tell the others, one month off. And that’s just from the interviews and announcements and studio. I still expect you to come up with new stuff and practice. Keep me updated. And Harry, I’m really sorry about Izzy", he said, and the three of us could see the glimmer in his eyes. He really empathized with us. He really was the best manager ever.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Smut may or may not be coming soon!

Dougie’s POV

It took another day for Harry to collect his thoughts, his clothes and his other stuff and his courage to leave the band and Izzy behind him. I’d be a broken mess if someone cheated on me. I couldn’t imagine how he felt, but his face meant he wanted to fall off the face of the earth but he wasn’t confiding in me. What then, was the point of wanting to live with me? Apart from the occasional joke shared between us, we were practically miles apart. It felt like he didn’t trust me. If I was a good enough friend, I would’ve fixed him by now or at least tried. It was my fault for being in the reverie where I thought he only came to me to make me feel better, when it was actually the other way around. I was failing. He deserved to stay with his brother anyway, but I would miss him so much.

"He’s here", Harry said, referring to his brother in the car waiting outside. I scratched my cheek as I saw Harry take his belongings back in the same rugged gym bag. Did I have any last minute bright ideas to get him to stay?  
"Harry", I said, dragging each syllable like a seven-year old about to throw a tantrum. He didn’t really hate me. He sort of smiled with his eyes when he looked my way. It made my hand nearly slide off the table I was holding onto for support.  
"I’ll miss you", he said airily and hesitantly pulled me in for a hug. The moment was a lot shorter than it felt. He sighed helplessly and raised my face by the chin with just two fingers. "I’ll be back when I’m done with the legal stuff. And when you’re ready to tell me the truth", he said bluntly. It crushed me how he wouldn’t let that go. I could tell him the truth now. But the timing didn’t seem right and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to anymore. My stomach sunk and within seconds, he disappeared out the front door. My Harry was gone.

James’ POV

A few days after our meeting with our manager, I went back to Dougie’s, but this time he was alone. Admittedly, that was exactly what I wanted.  
"Where’s Harry?", I asked casually, as I came in. Dougie was furiously pushing buttons with his thumb on his phone. He barely noticed that I came into his house.  
"He left.", he choked, "and you are going to leave too."  
I stumbled. He was just being stubborn. I supposed he did that a lot with Lara.  
"But we need to talk", I pleaded, and sat down opposite him, some distance away. He turned his eyes to look up at me through his light blond fringe that fell perfectly above his eyebrows. I could tell he was upset but trying his hardest to hide it.

"Okay first of all, who are you texting?", I asked, making the conversation sound more like third degree than a friendly post-kiss discussion.  
"Lara.", he answered just as bluntly as I asked.  
"Okay. She’s not replying because she’s out of town.. on.. holiday", I told him hesitantly and saw his eyes enlarge and his pupils dilate. I swallowed and kept my elbows on my legs, trying to avoid further questioning.  
"How do you know that? Has she been talking to you?"  
"No. I wanted to apologize to her but I heard she was away."  
Dougie sat absolutely still.  
"Her neighbor told me she had been crying every night about her boyfriend", I said, studying Dougie’s reaction with discretion. Did he still love her? I just wanted to know the truth.  
Dougie fell absolutely silent. He didn’t so much as blink for what seemed like a whole minute. When he finally budged, he got up from his seat rapidly and walked away from me. I should’ve said it some other way..  
I immediately stood up too, staring at the back of his head for him, waiting to say something.

"I’m sorry I kissed you", I blurted out. This entire conversation was supposed to go differently. I was kicking myself internally.  
"Izzy cheated on Harry", he said in reply. I’m not sure how they’re connected, but we both seemed to learn a lot from the other. He also didn’t want to react to my apology.

I walked upto him sympathetically. He was so vulnerable and upset. All the people he loved were moving away from him and all he had was me; the desperate older band member who just had a lot of love to give but who was going about it all wrong. I calmed down and gently placed my hand on Dougie’s shoulder, who was still facing away from me.

"Dougie..", I said, turning him around slowly to face me. His eyeballs were red and his noise was the pinkest spot on his face. His eyes looked really deeply sunk into his face. His cheeks were wet. He was on the verge of tears.  
"You can’t want to kiss me looking like this", he said, looking at me from a very close distance, a tear threatening to spill from one of his eyes. One thing was very clear. He had no idea that the only reason I came back was to make him feel better. Not to confuse him more.  
"I just don’t want to see you cry", I whispered.  
"Then leave", he said sharply, turning away again and wiping his eyes. I didn’t know what to say without making it worse. I felt a part of me caving in. "Leave if you don’t want to ‘see’ me cry. Because I need to cry."

I heard his sobbing that he was trying to hide from me. A muffled voice in my head was telling me what I was too shy to always think. I had a crush on Dougie Poynter. I was attracted to him and I still am. Every part of me wanted to make him smile. Every bit of me wanted to get to know this man. Every thought that crossed my mind was that Dougie needed to feel alright again.

"Whatever it is you are going through Doug, I know I only made it worse and I really am sorry. I don’t think of you any differently if you need to cry. I want to talk to you and help you, so please don’t shut me out. I need you", I admitted, looking down at the ground so that I didn’t have to make eye contact.

After a few seconds of dead silence, I half-believed that Dougie was going to throw me out of his house for being so stubborn. Instead, he turned around and flung himself at me in a hug. I heard him sigh airily into me as he held me close. I felt strangely comfortable, and Dougie grew silent. I wished for the millionth time that I knew what he was thinking.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I'm not bending the rules too much. This chapter is in 3rd person. Thank you for your comments!

~3rd person’s POV~

It seemed that when James sat next to Dougie as he began to cry, it only got worse. He cried harder and looked sadder than ever. When you give yourself room to feel sad, your mind usually reminds you of every single thing you are capable of being sad about, and that’s what happened to Dougie.

"Do you want to go back to my place?", James suggested in a low tone, gently pushing away the framed picture of Dougie and Lara from their holiday in Thailand. There were too many memories here. Harry wasn’t here to help make Dougie feel better, so James felt he had to be the one.

Dougie looked up cautiously at James and paused, staring into his eyes for a few frozen moments. James felt a patch of red crawling on his neck.

"Sorry, I didn’t mean.. You must be tired being at home all by yourself. And we’re on a break.", said James, trying his hardest to sound concerned. He was slowly forgetting how to talk to Dougie, and he didn’t know why.

Dougie didn’t say a word. He hadn’t said much after he asked James to leave. James sighed and got up from their place on the sofa. He grabbed two bottles of coke and brought them back to Dougie, his with extra ice. He slammed the bottles on the table in front of them and turned back to the fragile blond.

"I have time. Tell me how you feel about Lara. Tell me everything", he said, sitting awkwardly on the sofa, fully facing a very dejected Dougie.  
"It’s not about Lara..", Dougie finally spoke. He finally rubbed his eyes dry and from the side, picked up the framed photo.  
"Yes it is. You clearly still love her and she still loves you. There’s no other explanation. Just because you think you’re gay doesn’t mean what you have with her isn’t real..", James said, a tuft of his stray hair falling over his right eye.  
Dougie’s lips curled into a tiny smile looking at the picture again. They were both making a very silly face at the camera, and Lara looked perfect. He missed the memory so much. James also used the present tense, which shook him a little.

Dougie gulped. “She thinks I’m in love with Harry.”, Dougie admitted, placing the picture face down on the table. A single tear was now forming in his eye. He couldn’t believe what a light-hearted wimp he was.

"Oh?" This was the first time James had heard anything like that. It would clearly explain why Harry reacted heavily when he heard Dougie and James had kissed, but it seemed too far-fetched. They were best friends and had the best chemistry. Every McFly and Busted fan knew that. It made his chest sink a little; a feeling he wanted to dispel. He had no right to be jealous of anyone. He has the bad guy in all of this.

"Then why did she freak out when she saw us kiss?", James jumped. He promised himself not to bring that up again, but he craved answers.

"Because she’s crazy". Dougie’s face looked very weird now. He was about to cry again, but he was also about to laugh.  
James took a big sip of coke from his bottle, staying completely silent for a few minutes. He felt Dougie watch him as he carefully avoided eye contact.

"And are you?", James asked carefully.  
"I might be crazy, yeah", Dougie said, caught off guard. That was not what James meant.  
"Are you in love with Harry?"  
Dougie swallowed hard. James saw his Adam’s apple move. Dougie’s hands gripped the handle of the sofa, like he was holding back his thoughts or his words. He looked at James again, a little awkwardly this time.

"If what you say is right and Lara really is on holiday, she can’t walk in on us this time." With that quick sentence, Dougie zipped his eyes shut and locked his lips with James’. The stray uncombed hair on James’ forehead tickled Dougie, but he didn’t laugh. He was dead serious.

James hardly had enough willpower or control to kiss back. Dougie pressed his lips firmly on the other man’s. He tilted his head so their noses wouldn’t bump. He put his hand on James’ neck and kissed him harder. James tried to hold back and pull away, but Dougie wouldn’t let him. Dougie understood what James probably thought. James didn’t need to worry about confusing Dougie anymore. Dougie wasn’t vulnerable. He really wanted this. He was never angry at James for coming onto him in the first place. But when Dougie wasn’t able to answer James’ question with any conviction, it became clear.

"Please", Dougie said against his lips, and James finally gave in to his own urge. James felt fireworks explode inside him from the passion Dougie was displaying in the kiss. He let his hands wander onto Dougie’s leg. Dougie let a small moan escape his lips as James squeezed his thigh. All the blood in Dougie’s body rushed to his cock.

Dougie licked James lips with his tongue, begging for entrance into his mouth which James almost immediately allowed. He let his tongue explore every inch of James’ mouth. Their tongues touched, and Dougie shuddered. He couldn’t remember crying about all the stupid things. The answer was sitting in front of him, fighting tongues with him.

The two of them quickly jerked away from each other, panting for breath. Dougie didn’t look at James, but held his knees and inhaled and exhaled heavily. He probably rushed into it too quickly, which is why he was out of breath. His heartbeat and breath were slowing down, but a warm gush of air hit Dougie’s neck.

"Mmm", Dougie let out. James was millimeters away from him again.  
Dougie closed his eyes as he felt James gently kissing his neck from the back. Dougie twitched his lips a little while James tightened his grip, switching from kisses to bites. He felt James’ teeth against his skin. James pushed the sleeve of Dougie’s top away to expose his collarbone. He travelled down to the end of his neck and bit harder.

Dougie breathed another small grunt at what James was doing to him. He was always the one to tease Lara on the neck, which he attributed to the fact that she was the girl and wanted to be held. But none of those were as good as this. James’ other hand slowly traveled to the hem of Dougie’s shirt. He didn’t even notice how long James had been sucking at one spot. At was almost starting to hurt, but he would happily have James neck-bite him all day.

"It really suits you", said James softly, moving back up to Dougie’s jawline. From the lower corner of his eye, Dougie saw the purple-black love bite that was on his neck. It sent a shiver down his spine. Their lips finally met again and James cupped Dougie’s chin in his hand. This felt so good..

James pushed the younger man as he kissed him. Dougie gripped the lower edges of the sofa as he moved back on it, ‘til he reached the arm rest. Dougie inhaled sharply, and James’ scent filled his lungs. He smiled a little into the kiss. This was close to perfect.

James climbed on top of Dougie, breaking their contact. Dougie heaved, anxious about what James was going to do next. He had probably slept with other men before, but not Dougie.

Dougie noticed the tent that formed in James’ pants. He looked down at him with obvious lust in his eyes. Dougie grabbed James by the collar and pulled him down near his lips again.

"Fuck me", he muttered close to James’ ears, the sound lingering in both their ears for longer than it should have.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments again! This chapter is shorter but at least I finally got it up. :D Smut warning!

Dougie’s POV

After a quick journey up to my bedroom, in which James carried me in his arms and I constantly pecked his neck, I slammed the door shut. He grabbed me onto him again and we kissed, very rushed this time. I didn’t know when the right was to bring up the fact that I had never slept with another guy before, or if I should bring it up at all.

He finally stopped kissing me on the lips, giving me a chance to breathe. I could already feel sweat forming on my face and around my neck. He kicked off his shoes and bent a little to my eye-level, very very close to me. “James, be gentle”, I said in an undertone.

"Not much chance of that", he said slyly, turning me on with just the tone of his voice. He grabbed the neck of my shirt from the back and pulled it straight over my head. In no time, he had me helpless against the wall. He traced my tattoo sleeve with his mouth from the end of my right arm, all the way to my shoulder. He stopped and I gasped, not realizing that he had already made his way to the tip of my right nipple, where the dragon tattoo ended. I clutched the wall behind me as he sucked away at me. I had to admit, he made me feel so sexy.

"I’m not nearly as attractive naked as you are, I don’t have any tattoos", James said, not giving me a chance to reply. "But if I had any, you’d probably have to buy a new pair of trousers", he said, referring to the already raging erection in my pants. He bent low down to my belt and traced the outline of my cock through my pants. I let out another gasp.

He jerked my pants down, making a piled heap of my clothes on the floor. I grit my teeth at the sensation James’ touch was giving me. I was left in nothing but my boxers, but James was nearly fully clothed. He finally removed my boxers, letting cool air hit my sensitive bits.

He took my dick in his mouth as much as he could, circling his lips around it. His finger went up and down the end of it that he couldn’t fit in his mouth, and he sucked slowly. It was sharp enough to make me moan for good measure. He looked up at me with his sparkly blue eyes, and my body nearly gave way.

"I said fuck me not blow me", I said, against my closed teeth and with clenched fists. James didn’t seem to listen, and I didn’t seem to care either. He was so good at doing any sort of teasing. I supposed that he must really like me. Either that or he was just a horny moron. But I wanted to believe that he liked me, because while I was recovering from the pleasure, he stripped himself completely and came back to my lips, gently caressing it.

"You’ve never done this with another guy before have you?", he asked gently as he licked me around the cheeks and chin. I nodded no truthfully, but it wasn’t very hard to guess. James seemed to be a little happier at the confession.

"Get down and bend over. I don’t have any lube but I’ll try not to hurt you, promise", he said in a really seductive but warm tone. I never realized until now how arousing his voice was. I obeyed and got down on the bed, but James pushed me ‘til he had me exactly where he wanted.

I felt the tip of his cock near my hole, I felt it slowly entering, more and more inside. I moaned loudly, having never experienced anything like this before. He was nearly fully in, and I felt the purest feeling of ecstasy fill me. “Don’t stop that”, I begged, hearing my heartbeat race loudly.

He retreated and thrust back in sharply, and without warning, I came all over my bed and parts of his legs. I groaned with pleasure. “I’m going to come”, James said, biting his lower lip from the action. Soon enough, I felt his semen all over my insides, making me gasp a little more.

Finally, the two of us pulled away and fell straight onto the bed on our backs. I turned and looked at him, and he looked exactly the way I imagined I would look. He was sweaty, breathing incredibly shallow and I could almost hear his heartbeat. No words were exchanged. I didn’t have any energy left inside me to speak. How would I even word together a sentence to tell this man how happy and satisfied I felt? I hadn’t felt anywhere nearly this good in too long.

He grinned wide, pulling a blanket over most of us. He grabbed my cheek and kissed me again passionately, setting off fireworks inside me. I was falling hard for James Bourne, and I didn’t want to resist.


	16. Chapter 16

Harry’s POV

Tom and the others, well mostly Tom, had forced me to come out of hiding from my brother’s and attend the band meeting. I didn’t have much motivation at all. We were still on break, but Tom had a persuasive way of reminding us that we still had to come up with new stuff and also practice a little to continue promoting when we were back.

I also hadn’t seen Dougie in ages, and that urged me to wear a blue plaid shirt, similar to the one Dougie owned, that always reminded me of him. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that nearly everything reminded me of Dougie off late. I made myself a little lovesick over the past few days, and my brother could see right through me. I told him everything. Everything I thought, everything Dougie made me feel, and even how Dougie was acting off lately.

I tried to look my best and smell my best for the day, so I might feel like I stood a chance with Dougie. Maybe if he noticed me, I could pluck up the courage to tell him how I felt. I was feeling good enough about coming back, but that was until I was in the midst of everyone.

Tom and Matt were talking to each other over some drink, both standing in the front. Danny was scrolling through his phone, ignoring everyone around him. James and Dougie were on the side. Completely normal. No one seemed to be doing any real band stuff. Maybe they were waiting for me?

"Haz!", Tom exclaimed, setting his drink down on a table nearby. I grinned awkwardly as all of them turned to face me. This was the first time they’d seem me after my divorce. I decided to appear sadder than I felt, when Danny came up to me.

"We’re really sorry about how it ended mate", he said, putting one arm around my shoulder. I nodded appreciatively at all of them, and looking at Dougie properly for the first time. My eyes immediately fell to the purple-black spot at the base of his neck. Appearing sad became quickly easier as I realized what it was. Dougie shuffled his coat collar awkwardly to hide it. Somebody gave Dougie a hickey, and something told me it was man standing barely inches away from him.

The back of their hands brushed against each other when they both reached for the guitar picks on the table, and I could clearly see Dougie blushing a distinct shade of crimson. I felt something burn inside me. Why was Dougie so adamant to deny him and James being together when I asked him before? Clearly they were getting closer. Anyone in the room could see it, and it was making me go a little sick.

"So me and Danny came up with some new stuff. It’s not very good, but surely the six of us can make something from it", Tom said to all of us, but Dougie and James were a little distracted. James whispered something into Dougie’s ear, and Dougie shook his head, both of them glowing with grins. Maybe they were just sharing a joke or something. Dougie was wearing the same black trousers that he wore on the day I left. I remembered the last glimpse of him so well. I probably dwelt on it much longer than I should have.

"James, please weigh in on this for me?", said Tom, about to play on his acoustic guitar. Danny was still on his phone, probably tweeting something. "I’ll be right back", Matt said, as he walked out with his phone to his ear. James didn’t leave Dougie’s side and I couldn’t help but notice how cheerful Dougie was. I don’t think he ever looked this happy since him and Lara broke up. His weird behavior in recent times was very different to how happy he was today. He was so happy, he seemed almost embarrassed.

Tom began to play, and I turned to listen to him. From the corner of my eye, I saw Dougie giggle a little. No one was facing the two of them at that moment. I saw James slip his right hand into Dougie’s left, and closed his fingers into his palm slowly. Dougie blushed and turned red yet again. It made me implode on the inside. Clearly a lot had happened since I was away.

As soon as Tom paused playing and looked up, James and Dougie’s hands weren’t interlocked anymore. They both looked completely normal, just watching Tom on. Maybe I imagined it? Surely I wasn’t hallucinating.

"Why did you do that?", I asked them. Dougie looked away uncomfortably, but James just looked confused. "Do what?", he asked me. I felt my blood boil, but Tom was just disappointed that no one was giving him any attention.

"Guys, come on. I know you’re upset and distracted Harry, but please help me out here", he said in that guilt-inducing tone that usually ticks me off.  
"Actually, I’m feeling a little poorly", I said, holding onto the vase table close to me. "Sorry, I need to go", I lied, and stormed out. I couldn’t stay in that room with Dougie and James even a minute longer.

James’ POV

"What DID you do?", Danny asked me, furrowing his eyebrow.  
"Nothing, I swear.", I said innocently, turning to Dougie, who was standing so close to me that I could hear his breathing. "I should go after him", I said, gathering that something I did must have upset Harry.

I ran outside the studio and saw Harry’s face looking swollen with tears. He saw me approaching and quickly turned away, and started walking. He wasn't upset with me. He was definitely still sad about Izzy.

"Mate, wait up. I’m really sorry. I know you’re still hurting and we all want you to talk about it with us, it’ll make you feel heaps better. But Dougie said you didn’t want to mention her ever again.."

His fists tightened and it looked like anger was taking over him.  
"You’ve been talking to Dougie a lot then?"  
"Errm yeah. Please come back, we don’t have to practice or whatever. We can all just talk. You must be feeling so lonely"  
"N-No", he refused in a trembling voice.  
"Mate, maybe you need to see someone. Someone you can talk about all this stuff to", I offered, hoping I didn’t sound like I thought he had a mental illness.

He paused, nearly raised a finger but held back his immediate words. He pondered for a minute, biting his teeth. “Yeah, maybe I should”, he said unexpectedly.  
"I know how much you loved her, but it will get better, alright? It was for the best", I reiterated. He seemed really angry now. I thought I was saying all the right things. If I was in his place, that was exactly what I’d want someone to say to me.

"Just hang in there, this will blow over and you’ll find someone even better", I said helpfully.  
Harry’s eyes bulged and his anger reached peak. “SHUT UP JAMES”, he screamed straight at my face, making me feel very small. I wanted to say sorry for being clingy, but I walked back to the studio without breathing another alphabet.

I entered the room, probably looking a little shaken. “I don’t think he’s coming back. For now”, I informed the others. “He’s really upset guys, we need to do something for him.” Maybe I hadn’t learned to leave him alone just yet. Surely he’d want his best mates and band mates to cheer him up. Surely, he’d apologize for the outburst. As far as I knew, I didn’t do anything to upset him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks later..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with a new chapter after a looong break. I'm a little rusty so bear with me!

Lara's POV

I didn't how long I'd been staring out the window now. Our car ride back home was making me dread the journey; it almost made me sick to my stomach. I can't even remember that I set out on this trip planning to return with some sort of magic plan to fix all these complications, because it seemed like I was spending all the time trying to fix myself.

Slowly and without even being aware of it, I’d fallen into a nasty pattern of skipping meals, losing my appetite and losing interest in daily life in general. I’m not proud of it, but by the time I realized what I was doing, I had already let go of the steering wheel. Thank god for the trip away. The trip was great. I spent a lot of time with my sister really understanding myself and the situation. She even got the truth out of me; that Dougie was gay and I was still somehow not over him. The only reason’s she even leaving me alone to my own thought at the moment is because she knows the truth and she admits she doesn’t know how to help.   
She has helped me get my appetite and eating back on track (to an extent), just after I lost 10 pounds.

“Here”, she handed me some crisps in bag. I was about to shake my head in refusal but I hesitated for a second, and then pulled three pieces of the bag at random. I looked away from her again and slowly munched on the crisps, heaving out a passive sigh.   
There were so many things running through my head. What would I say if I saw James again? Do I stay cut off from Dougie for everyone’s sake? Why can’t Harry just own up to his feelings? 

I had the compulsive need to go up to everyone in this band and yell in their faces, telling them what to do because obviously they don’t know any better. Thinking about Dougie made me feel very light-headed, and made me not want to eat.  
What I really needed was not just to go away for a holiday, but to move away from London altogether. I needed to be somewhere Dougie and Harry and James didn’t exist, because things will never get better if I go back to the situation I left. Being with Dougie the last year or so has been the only phase of my life that made any sense; the only time in my life where I felt truly happy. Now Dougie is off figuring out who he is, while I wasted the best days of my life with someone who isn’t even interested in me, I got involved in the band’s personal business and worst of all, I promised them Dougie I would fix everything. 

Between trying to fall out of love with Dougie and trying to get my health back on track, I mostly wish the ground would just swallow me up. I didn’t do anything to deserve this kind of life. I made up my mind; I would go back to London and pretend like none of this ever happened. I wouldn’t contact them and I would make sure I go far away from McFly HQ for art exhibitions and opportunities. And if I ever saw any of them, I’ll consider them all dead to me. That seemed pretty drastic, but what other choice did I have? I guess I’m stuck in this mad world.

Dougie’s POV

Fletch called again, and this time we knew he was going to tell us that our hiatus was almost over. It had been three weeks since he gave us a break from the public eye, but as far as I know, we barely came up with new material either. The rest of us did not stress about this majorly because we knew Tom and James could come up with something amazing in days. All we needed to day was practice. Easy.

As for me and James, we’ve been spending a lot of time recently. I had to admit, it was hard to stay away from him like Fletch ordered. He was a really great guy, and that’s what I needed right now. We kept cool around the others and especially Tom, because he would go squealing to Fletch at the first opportunity. I don’t know what everyone thought was going on, but me and James sure didn’t care.

We were in the studio today, all of us facing Fletch. Harry even showed up today, which shocked even the sound technician. He hesitantly took his place in the drums. I didn’t even bat an eye at him. I hated the way he’d been acting the last few weeks, especially after I let him stay at my place. Granted he’d been divorced and was going through a rough time, but his behavior recently was just really… unattractive.

While the rest of us sat on stools with our instruments nearby, Fletch greeted us all with a controlled smile and nod. I sat on one end next to Matt, where we would be standing if we were performing as a six piece. James was all the way on the other side in between Tom and Danny. I involuntarily looked down that end, and James gave me a calming yet risqué wink. I smiled and looked back at Fletch, feeling a lot more at ease.

Fletch broke the silence. “So..”, and before he could begin his sentence, Tom stood up about to say something. Everyone jerked their necks at him, but he got embarrassed with the attention and proceeded to sit down in a reserved way. “Sorry, Fletch.”  
“I’ll come back to you later Tom. I need to start by saying a few things. Tom nodded while looking down. It was clear to me he had a lot of things to say to the band, and a lot of things to say before Fletch could question him.

“So...”, he paused, scanning everyone’s faces to make sure nobody was going to interrupt him this time. “It’s been three weeks since we made the decision to form a super-group and the same amount of time since we’ve done anything as a super group. I need you all to understand the importance of the coming few weeks. We have exactly a week from today before your first gig. It’s a small one, right here in London. You’ll just be putting on a sneak peak of the tour. After that”, he looked down at his phone while scrolling gently, but had an intense look on his face. “you have about 4 TV appearances before you go on tour as McBusted.  
”  
“Fletch”, Danny interrupted cautiously.  
“Yep?”, he said.  
“What about Harry?”, he blurted out. Maybe I was the only one in the band who lost all sympathy for him.  
“I’ve given you guys a break. I need you to be professional and move on. I hope you can do that for your own sake Harry. You too Dougie..”, he looked at me with his gaze lowered. Only at that moment I was reminded again of my break up with Lara. I almost totally forgot about her.   
Feeling like a terrible person, I unlocked my phone inconspicuously and texted Lara. It had been 3 weeks since I texted her? What?

‘Hey. You ok? How is your trip? x’ I typed out, but quickly went back to remove the ‘x’ at the end. Just as I was about to start thinking about her, Fletch started speaking again.

“If we don’t go back now, we might as well drop the whole McBusted thing. And I presume none of you want that.” We all nodded in agreement, some of us more enthusiastically than others.

So at the moment, you need to start practicing for your first gig. Both McFly and Busted songs, I’ll leave it to you guys. You know your fans best. And some new demos wouldn’t hurt either”, he stated firmly. “Can I count on you guys? Your fans may stick with you through anything but you ought to give them McBusted now”.  
Everyone nodded, while Fletch looked specifically at me and Harry. I nodded, and accidentally turned to James. He seemed slightly off color. So did Tom.  
“Anything you wanna bring up now?” said Fletch.

Tom didn’t say anything, though it looked like he wanted to. Was James about to tell Fletch that he and I were.. something? We weren’t dating, but we were definitely more than just bandmates and we both know it. James is a man of integrity. I didn’t seem to care unless I knew it could directly impact what we did as a band. Or was he going to come upto me and say we had to stop doing what we were doing, now that McBusted is a proper band.

Tom finally spoke up, after I caught him looking at me. “We’ll support each other Fletch. And we’re going to have an awesome run as McBusted. Thanks for giving us some space for the past few weeks”.  
He summed it up nicely, it was all turning out to be okay.   
Fletch smiled a good smile and got up, turning to leave the studio. It was just us and the instruments, and still a very disturbed group camaraderie.

“10 am to 8pm, every day for the next week”, Tom declared. I guess it wasn’t up for debate.   
“Dougie. James. Stop seeing each other if you care about this band”. I guess he knew after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks and please leave me a comment to let me know you're reading :D


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